Another Mini Goal Passed!

I was beside myself on Monday when I got on the scale and found that not only had I made my mini goal of 50 lbs, but passed it by 3.5 lbs. Things have been so busy with family here, that I didn't do the daily weigh in like I had been doing. I think it had been about two weeks since I had weighed. Very exciting to me. This last week was a real test though. I had my daughter and her friend here and between them, they have 7 children ages 6 and under. With kids comes candy, cake and pastry and at times it was hard to see everyone eating it. I finally broke down and had a small piece of cake with about a tablespoon of ice cream. Didn't taste nearly as good as I thought it was going to. But at least it ended the obsessing that I was doing about it.

It's strange the way that food has a hold on me. Such an addiction that if there is candy in the house it's all I think about. How to get it so no one knows, how much I can eat without screwing up my weight loss. I've found that it's just better not to have it around. It did make me realize that when I get to my goal weight and start adding food back in that I'm going to have to make sure and really watch myself and keep to the healthy habits that I've formed over the last six months so that I never get back to that horrible state I was in.

It seems with this last 10 pounds that people are really starting to notice the weight loss and that feels great. Yesterday I was having one of those days were I was just uncomfortable in my own skin and just felt like the fat girl. Yet I had three different people tell me how good I was looking. That's just what I need to keep to this path. Positive affirmation!

Who's that Girl?!

Yesterday, I had to meet a bride and groom at Driftwood Shores to go over their vows. After an hour long meeting, I ran to the restroom before heading back to the shop. On my way past the big mirror I glanced over....and stopped dead in my tracks! Who is THAT girl?! Wow, she looks almost slender from the side! I admit that I took another 5 minutes or so just to look at this new body of mine from every angle. I don't have a big mirror anywhere in my house, so I hadn't had the opportunity to really LOOK at myself. I was totally amazed. Even though I know that I've lost almost 50 lbs and my fat clothes are way too big, I still have no concept of how much my body has changed. I had Ken take a 'during' picture of me for some flyers I was making and was shocked again when I pulled that photo and my 'before' photo up and had them side by side in photoshop. Wow. What a change!

It was a huge step for me to actually print out the flyers with my awful picture and post them in town where people know me. Then it occured to me; they all knew I looked like that. They saw me every day! I was the only one that didn't really know how bad I looked!

It's really my hope that making my journey public and sharing my struggles with the weight thing can inspire others to decide to get busy and get healthy. We all have the power to change our situation, but at times we look at how far we have to go and get overwhelmed. When I get to looking at how far I have to go and not how far I've come, and I think that I just can't go another day without an oreo or a candy bar or fries, I reapeat this to myself; "Just for today..." that's it. I just have to stay on plan for today and then tomorrow I can have all I want. Then the next morning I start all over again with the "Just for today..." till I get past the head hungry that's making me want to binge. I'm really very satisfied with my Medifast meals and it's not true hunger, but the head hunger from stress and emotions. This program has helped me to see that.

Sticking with it

The past few weeks have been a little tough. We have had mass lay offs in the job that I've worked for about 6 years and I'm one of the next to go. With all the stress though, I've managed for the most part to stay on the plan. One of my biggest remaining problems is that I don't eat or drink all the water that I should at times. I get busy and before you know it, it's the end of the day and I've only had maybe two medifast meals and less than half of my water. So, my weight loss has slowed a bit. There for a while I would lose a pound, then stay the same for a week or so, and then lose another pound. This week, I've unofficially lost 2 lbs for a total of 49.5. I say unnofficial because I really should only weigh once a week and that's on Monday. But sometimes the scale gets the best of me and I have to check it out. To think that I'm 1/2 pound away from 50 is amazing to me.

I have another friend on the plan with me and she had a week of staying the same. Last week was one pound. It's frustrating when you do all that you're suppose to and things don't happen. But I keep telling her not to give up. I'm proof of that. Every 1/2 lb and 1 lb adds up. And if we quit now and go back to the way that we were eating, then the scale moves the other way. I just don't want to have that happen to me again. And I hope that she doesn't give up after coming this far. She's lost 24 lbs and she looks great. And she said that she feels good too. Just have to figure out a way to get her though the discouragement and excited about the program again.

It is hard when the scale won't move, but I've learned to just let it go. I make sure that I'm eating what I'm supposed to and drinking my water. I know that my body is just making adjustments and it will start losing again. And I try not to listen to all those well meaning people who say things like "maybe it's just not working for you" and who work hard to sabotage my efforts whether they know they're doing it or not. I think that sometimes our friends and family feel threatened by the changes that we're making and can, knowingly or not, try to get us to give it up and go back to our old ways. I for one am not falling for it this time. At 44, I feel like the time to get in shape and lose weight is now. I'm not getting any younger, but I have to say that I'm getting better looking every day!!

Monday weigh in

Today's weigh in finds me down 45 lbs and 40.5 inches. Not bad. Wish it was more though (what dieter doesn't!) but I'll take it. I'm making every effort to get all 5 of my Medifast meals in and drink all of my water. If anything, that has been my downfall. It's just hard for me to drink cold water when I'm already cold. Every once in a while I fall back into my old habit of not eating all day. I know this is bad. And I know it slows my weight loss down, but those old habits creep back in sometimes and I have to pull myself up short and get back on track.

I think that it's because it just doesn't make any sense. You would think that by not eating you lose faster. Couldn't be further from the truth. The less you eat the more your body thinks it's starving and starts holding onto everything that you do eat and storing it. It freaks out because it has no idea when it's next meal is coming. I'm afraid that I've done this for years. Take Shape for Life is teaching me not to do this to my body. It's a whole life style change for me. Now I think first before I eat anything that I shouldn't and decide if I'm really hungry or just "head hungry". Turns out most of the time it's a head thing. If I've eaten all my meals and drank all my water and I find myself feeling a gnawing in my gut, it's generally stress and worry related. I try to calm down, have a cup of tea and let it go. And if that doesn't work, I'll have a Medifast meal a little early. But I don't reach for the chips or candy any longer and, to quote Martha Stewart, "That's a good thing."

Feeling Groovy

I feel GOOD today. Got dressed in the pinstripe pants that were so tight I had to stop wearing them a few years ago and they're baggy. So exciting. I have a habit of forgetting how far I've come and only looking at how far I have to go. Trying to change that. I was in the store the other day and walked down the petfood aisle just to pick up a 40 lb bag of dog food. Had to remind myself that I've been hauling that around on a daily basis for a while now. Now wonder I feel groovy.

My husband is happy with my weight loss, but there are aspects of the whole thing that bother him. Like now that I'm feeling better, I want to dance. He hates to dance. Before I was content to sit on the sofa every night and now I want to GO. And live. He's tired, and shy and not one for crowds. I'm ready to hit the dance clubs. I didn't realize how my life was truly effected by my weight. I've wanted to learn to kayak since I've moved to the Oregon Coast, but was afraid I wouldn't fit in that small opening. A few more pounds off and warmer weather and I'm going to go into Central Coast watersports and sign up for lessons. And hope I don't drown!

I'm working on the 50 lbs goal now. Have to decide what the reward will be. Maybe a new outfit from Coldwater Creek. They have an outlet mall in Newport. I can't wait till I can shop there and be able to choose from any of the clothing stores not just Lane Bryant.

Eye Candy

Well, I did good yesterday. Ate all my meals, drank my water and even made it to the gym. When I first started on Medifast, my 'diet buddy' talked me into joining the gym. There for a while we went every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Then things got busy, she had meetings, I was out of town, the holidays hit. Got to where the gym was hit and miss. And then she got sick and decided that Medifast wasn't for her. Not that the program made her sick. In fact I think that if she would have stayed with it, it would have helped her. Anyway, the point of this is that she is no longer my diet buddy. So that turned into another huge issue. Without someone nagging me to go to the gym, I don't go. I hate to go into a room full of people that I don't know and sweat.

But, in order to keep the weight coming off, I know that I have to overcome that phobia and go to the gym. Alone. So I did yesterday. Wasn't as bad as I was trying to make it. I got out my mp3 player, put my headphones on and hit the treadmill. Did a mile on that at a good pace and then worked on the weights. Patting myself on the back all the way. Good for me.

After giving it much thought though, I've decided what I really need to keep my motivation going at the gym is Eye Candy. You know, a few of those pretty boys that make running on a treadmill look like a graceful dance. Or the ones that do the weights and get just enough perspiration to make a nice glow on their hard bodies. If I just had two or three of them strategically placed around the gym, it would be much easier for me to hold my belly in and act like I really like being there.

Not that there aren't any men at the gym. There are. But Florence was named one of the best places to retire in some book recently and it's obvious that many seniors believed it. And they moved here. Yesterday, as I was working out on the treadmill and feeling pretty proud of myself, I looked over and here was a little old man, had to be almost 90, lapping me. I guess if I can't have the eye candy I want, that right there should be a motivation. The shame of having a 90 year old man on oxygen pass me up, should be all I need to kick it up and get in shape!

I'm working in Mapleton today so I won't be at the gym. But, I'll be there tomorrow and that 90 year old better watch out. I'll be breathing down his neck. Well maybe just gasping for breath....

Daily Weigher Disease

They say that the first step in recovery is to admit that you have a problem. Here goes. "Hi, my name is Wren and I'm a daily weigher." Talk about a self defeating thing to do. I get up in the morning, pee, strip all of my clothes off and then get on the scale. But I don't look down right away. I close my eyes, repeat over and over the weight that I want to see on the scale and then look down. Now, I know that it's a fact that weight can go up or down all day. I try to always weigh at the same time every day, in the same place. So after being good yesterday, I get on the scale today and it reads one pound heavier than yesterday. WHAT?! I swear I want to scream. And I know that I need to stay off the scale till my official weigh in day on Monday. It's just that I feel like I need that daily reassurance that I'm doing all of this and it's paying off. I'm so impatient. I just want it off NOW. And I want to be a success and I feel like a failure when the scale doesn't do what I think it should. My health coach suggested that I'm not getting enough calories so I'm working on all of her suggestions today. And for the next week to see if I can get back on the right track. And I have to hit the gym today and Friday to make up for missing Monday. The gym in Florence is a nice one, but I just hate to have to go in, change clothes, sweat with people I don't know and then change back into my street clothes. If we wern't having this nasty Oregon Coast weather, I would head to Heceta Lighthouse and hike the trail. Fresh air and exercise might go a long way toward fixing this rotten attitude that I've decided to wake up with this morning.

One pound closer

I'm down a pound today. So that makes 44 total. And I did better on my eating yesterday, but if I were going to be totally honest, and I am, I ate things that I shouldn't have. Self sabotage. What's that all about?! So, I shouldn't have eaten the peanuts or the 1/2 cup of chili dip. OK, done kicking myself. Can't go back and today is another day. I have 39 days till my 44th birthday and if I start right now and get my act together and do what I know works, there is no reason that I can't be at my 60 lb goal by then. No reason at all. I know that I have the power within me to meet my goals. I just have to figure out why I keep tripping myself up. And STOP DOING IT! I think part of the problem is that it's winter and I'm stressing about the slow business and wondering how to make things pay. Frustrating. I know that if I was located in a larger city here on the Oregon Coast like Lincoln City or Cannon Beach, I would do better. Mapleton is just a wide spot in the road so the challenge is to come up with a way to pull people in from the surrounding areas and get the shop known as a cool place to stop on the way to the coast or to Eugene. Not giving up, but man, do I need to get over this rotten, defeatist attitude! So, todays plan is this: oatmeal (done), shake, soup, shake, dinner, pudding. And two or more liters of water. I can do it. I WILL do it. I want that 50 lbs!!!

Getting out the door

It's cold here today in Mapleton, but it's not raining and that's a huge plus. Being located so close to the Oregon Coast, we get our share of rain. Days of it at times. But today is clear and the sky is an amazing shade of blue. I didn't go into Florence to work today, so I won't make it to the gym either. I made the commitment to hit the gym three times a week when I'm in town. So, I keep thinking that I need to get out and go for a walk. Part of this whole weight loss journey is getting fit and I know I can't do that sitting here by the heater. It's just COLD out there. And I keep thinking "ok, you've now gone through two pots of tea. If you walk up the road, how far can you get before you have to pee?" You know, so many things to consider. LOL. One way that I manage to talk myself out of doing something that I know for a fact that I need to do. But I have been good on my eating today and getting all of my meals down. Oatmeal for breakfast, shake for mid-morning, soup at lunch and a shake for mid-afternoon. Yay me. They may be meal replacements, but they are tasty. Now to just make sure I eat my lean and green dinner (5 oz of beef and 1 1/5 cups of veggies) and one more MF shake. I want that 50 lb goal so bad I can taste it!

Like I haven't done THIS before...

I knew I was over weight and needed to get control. I had lost 100 lbs a few years before do to illness and I knew it was creeping back on. Problem is, I don't have a single mirror in my house that shows anything below my chest, so it was easy to be in denial. Even when I was down to one pair of size 24 jeans that were so tight I could hardly breathe when I sat down, and the black skirt that was so stretchy that you could fit 5 fat women in it and still have room, I was in total denial as to how bad it had gotten.
But pictures don't lie, and when I went to look at the pictures of my son's July 2006 wedding, there I was. Big as life. Bigger than I thought. And gross. A fat old woman sitting next to a very handsome, slim husband. I wanted to die. Here I was, 43 and finally having a happy life and I was eating myself to death. I looked so old. And when I went to my Dr. for help to gt the weight off, the scale read 283. Another big shock. I had no idea. Her suggestion? Join overeaters anon. Uh, I don't think so. I am NOT going into a room of people who all live in my small community and tell them about my food issues.
So that was it. The turning point. And it's funny how things worked out. Here I was, devastated at the way I looked, knowing that I had to get the weight off, and freaking out because I failed at every diet I ever tried. And I couldn't stand the thought of being hungry. Then my friend tells me that she started on Medifast and was doing great. Told me to look it up. I did, and the rest they say, is history.
The first week I was down 11 lbs. and wasn't hungry. It took me about three days to feel really good, but after that I was fine. I started the program on the 15th of August and have so far lost 43 lbs. The program works as long as I work the program. I found that when I don't drink my water or eat all my meals, I stall. I could have lost more by now, but there are times that I get busy and don't do what I'm suppose to do. Then I get back on track and the weight comes off.
So, I know that there are others out there who struggle like I do. And I want to help. As part of the major change in my life as far as weight goes, I've also become a Health Advisor for Take Shape for Life. It's a way for me to give back for the gift that I've been given. To help others that feel as helpless as I did to get on the path to weight loss and health and not let the fat keep us down.
I hope that my daily journal will help other to see that anyone can do this. So in the future, when life gives me lemon bars, I'll be saying "thanks, but no thanks" and munching on a Medifast Lemon Bar!